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This period marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {